October 22, 2006

Pentecost 20

A little girl had just heard the story Snow White for the first time.  So full of enthusiasm that she could hardly contain herself, she retold the fairy tale to her mother.  After telling about how Prince Charming had arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, she asked her mother, “And do you know what happened then?”  “Yes,” said her mom, “they lived happily ever after.”  “No,” responded Suzie, with a frown, “they got married.”  With childlike innocence, the little girl had spoken a partial truth without realizing it.  You see, getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous!

Years ago, the Saturday Evening Post ran a humorous article about the tendency of marriage partners to drift from the height of bliss into the humdrum of routine.  The article likens the state of the marriage to the reaction of a husband to his wife’s colds during the first seven years of marriage…
The first year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m worried about my baby girl.  You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep around.  I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest.  I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll bring in your meals from Rossini’s.  I’ve already got it arranged with the floor superintendent.”  The second year: “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough and I’ve called Dr. Miller to rush over here.  Now you go to bed like a good girl, please?  Just for Papa.”  The third year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel out of it.  I’ll bring you something to eat.  Have we got any soup?”  The fourth year: “Look, dear, be sensible.  After you feed the kids and get the dishes washed, you’d better hit the sack.”  The fifth year: “Why don’t you get yourself a couple of aspirin?”  The sixth year: “If you’d just gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a seal!”  The seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing!  Whatcha trying to do, give me pneumonia?”

Marriage and living happily ever after are not synonymous.  Marriage is forever after, but it isn’t always happy, and it does take work.  Real love takes work.  That is the love God wants us to have for our spouse.  But our sinfulness has made that difficult.  And we’ve gotten into the habit of giving up working through difficulty.  Today, half of all marriages end in divorce.

That’s worse than it was yesterday, but it isn’t anything new.  Divorce was prevalent in Jesus’ day, too.  And because of the stickiness of the issue, some Pharisees thought they could use it to get Jesus into trouble.  Some Pharisees came to Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  They weren’t coming to learn.  They were coming to lay a trap for Jesus.  If Jesus said that it was permitted, they could accuse Him of being soft on divorce.  If He said it was not, they could accuse Jesus of contradicting Moses, who made provisions for divorce in Israel’s civil law.

Jesus wanted to lead the discussion beyond the question of divorce to the underlying principles of marriage itself.  So He asked, “What did Moses command you?”  And they said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  They were quoting Deuteronomy 24:1 in a legalistic and self-serving way that completely ignores the surrounding context, which in no way gives God’s approval for divorce.  Jesus explained that to them:  “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law.”  So let’s get this straight: God does not permit divorce. God hates divorce.  This civil law wasn’t a statement of permission for divorce.  It was a regulation of how to handle it publicly when divorce did happen.  God was actually working to regulate and limit the harm that would inevitably be caused when people ignored God’s will for marriage.  God recognized that even among his chosen people would be those who hardened their hearts to his will for their marriage.  This law that governed the civil life of ancient Israel wasn’t intended to encourage or permit divorce.  It was intended to protect people who would be harmed by the failure of spouses to recognize the sanctity and permanence of marriage.

So, as usual, Jesus went to the Word to show what God really does say about marriage:  “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Jesus made four points.  One, marriage is established by God.  Two, every marriage is the intimate union between one man and one woman, joined by God in a union of love, trust, and faithfulness.  Three, it is a life-long union that can only be ended by God.  Four, while people can, in sinfulness, choose to dissolve this union God made, doing so is contrary to God’s will.

Jesus further explained to his disciples that a man or woman who leaves their spouse, divorces them, and then goes and marries someone else is committing adultery.  He isn’t saying remarriage is wrong in cases of repentant and forgiven sinners.  He is saying it is wrong to hop from one marriage to the next thinking that nothing is wrong with that.  Divorce is sin, and sin requires repentance.  There is an exception that Jesus mentions when He is talking about this in Matthew 5:32: “anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress.”  The exception is marital unfaithfulness.  There are times when one spouse is not guilty of sin in a divorce, because the other spouse was unfaithful by breaking the marriage bond or deserting them, despite all efforts of the one spouse to make the marriage work. 

But divorce is not something that is permitted by God.  And here’s why:  Because God loves us so much!  He knows that we need this guideline for the real good of our lives, not to restrict us from having fun.  He knows that a marriage, a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, is the best way to bring real companionship into the lives of people who have sinful tempers and changes of heart.  He also knows that this lifelong commitment is the best way for a man and woman to enjoy that intimate gift of sexuality that He has blessed us with.  Playing around with that gift outside of these boundaries is so dangerous and harmful!  And He certainly knows that this lifelong commitment is the best way to bring children into this world.  So that they have a father and mother committed to each other, and committed to them.

Marriage is serious business, isn’t it!  Have we taken it seriously?  Do we refuse to change our attitudes and actions that are harmful in our marriages?  Do we fail to show selfless love to our spouses – the real kind of love that is to make up a marriage?  Do we view our marriage problems as hopeless, and not worth fighting through?  Have we considered how our marriages affect our children?  How they are learning from us?  Have we taken this seriously?  Did you know that people in our nation spend more time preparing to get their driver’s license than they do preparing for marriage or parenting??

It’s time to recommit to the commitment you made to your spouse years ago.  Let’s love them unconditionally!  Through sickness and health.  Happiness and sadness.  Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend.  He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family.  The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!”  “Me, too, Dad!” said the son.  The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss.  “I love you so much!” He said to his wife softly. 

Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?”  “Twelve years,” the man replied, as he gazed into his wife’s face.  “Well then, how long have you been away?”  The man turned around and said, “Two whole days!” Hargrove was stunned:  “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”  The man stopped smiling and said, “Don’t hope, friend . . . decide!”  We made that decision, too, when we said “Till death us do part.”  You think it’s too late to recommit to that decision today?  I don’t. 

Don’t worry.  You’ll have some help.  From God.  He is the “third strand” in all of our marriages.  His love can become our love.  His peace can fill our lives.  And his forgiveness is the only thing that makes it possible.  Invite Him into your home.  I said before that to every 2 marriages there is 1 divorce. Sadly, that statistic is the same for those who claim to be Christians as it is for people who don’t.  But for couples who attend church together regularly, it changes to 50 to 1.  And for couples who hold regular family devotions it changes again: 1105 to 1!

The way marriages work best is by drawing near to God together.  By being in his Word.   As we both draw near to God, we draw near to each other.  You can’t help it.  It is no coincidence that God compares our relationship with Him to a marriage.  He is the groom and we are the bride, and He just can’t wait to have us come near to Him in our marriage celebration in heaven.  And He made that possible by paying a big price.  Bigger than any dowry.  Bigger than any engagement ring.  The life of his Son.  The ultimate sacrifice.  To make you pure.  To make you his beautiful bride.  Even if your marriage(s) have been a complete failure, you have a God who wants to forgive you, and who has provided for that forgiveness through Jesus!

Like He loved us, God wants parents who love each other, and who love their children.  Like the parents in the last section of our text.  In this familiar lesson about Jesus and the little children, we of course see Jesus’ love for children, and we see the disciples’ insensitivity because they thought Jesus was too busy or important.  But let’s not miss the admirable efforts of those parents who recognized that Jesus wasn’t just for them, but also for their children.  They went through great efforts, even being turned away at first, to get for their children what their children needed the most.  A Saviour.  A faith in that Saviour who loves them.  The greatest love that parents can show for their children is leading them to Jesus.  And when they are little, like the ones in these verses, it might even mean picking them up and carrying them there.

But it includes teaching them about their loving God all their lives.  Building a family that will spend eternity together.  Teaching with the Word and modeling with their examples a Lord who loves the whole world; sinners, foreigners, adulterers, divorcees, adults, and children, too.  Like the disciples, the world keeps failing to understand why Jesus came and what his Kingdom really was.  So when the children came to Him, not only did He get the chance to bless them, He also got the chance to teach us a few important things about his Kingdom.  First of all, God’s kingdom, his gracious rule in the hearts of believers, is meant for children as well as anyone.  Faith is more than just intellect, it is trust in Jesus and the promises of a gracious God.  And not only are children a part of God’s kingdom through faith, but it is their kind of faith that God is looking for in all of us!  A simple, humble, trusting faith that looks only to Him.

No doubt Jesus had a lot on his mind.  He was on his way to Jerusalem to be put to death.  But He took out his time to invest in the lives of the children brought to Him.  Let’s do the same.  Let’s also learn from this, that no matter how much we have failed in being parents who love each other and who love our children, we can approach God too.  No one can keep us away from Him.  And He is waiting for us with blessing hands, a warm smile, and a forgiving heart.  Because you are his child.  To remind us of how important that is, let me close with a poem…

There's something quite nice about children. - Every family should have one or two - They're such a fine race - When they're kept in their place:  - Say, the playground, the park or the zoo.

In his place, a child's quite delightful, - Full of fun, a most interesting buddy.  - But his yearning for action  - Can cause a distraction  - When he has invaded the study.

The office is no place for children.  - They foul up our work with their fun.  - So we make it a rule  - That they must go to school  - So their elders can get something done.

Some children came searching for Jesus.  - His friends were distressed and inclined  - To think: "Oh, how terrible  - To have a fresh parable -  Suddenly slip from His mind!"

So they tried to get rid of the children -  Surely no major disgrace, -  Protecting their Master,- From certain disaster. -  By keeping the children in place.

"Let the children come in!" shouted Jesus, -   Then he said something frightfully odd: -  "They are bearers of grace,  -  And their ultimate place  -  Is right smack in the Kingdom of God."

Well, the place of a child is the Kingdom. - That's what Jesus carefully taught.-  So, the last time you did  -  Play some ball with your kid,  -  You were closer to God than you thought.

Michael B. Brown, Be All That You Can Be, CSS Publishing    Amen.

 

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